Recent incidents of Cyberbullying and Bullying have once again thrusted these behaviors into national media. Seems as though every news media station these past few months have been highlighting these sad but powerful stories of cyberbullying. From NBC’s Today show, to CNN’s Anderson Coopers’ 360, everyone is asking the same question: What do we do about this trend?

The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that this is not a trend. Unfortunately cyber bullying like bullying will be here to stay. So what do we do? We need to listen to the stories and find the commonalities that are shared between the kids who were the targets of the harassment.

Pheobe Prince

In this situation we discovered a young lady in transition. Transitioning from not just one school to the next, but even more challenging, transitioning from one country to another. As we have all at some point transitioned in our life, the importance of friends and friendship is critical in the transition. As we leave the comfort and safety of our true friends, we strive to find that same comfort and safety with new friends. In this transition I can only imaging the emotional pressure Phoebe was feeling during this transition and making new friends.

Ryan Halligan

One of the first cases of cyber bullying to reach national news. Once again we find a young man in search of positive peer connections. Unfortunately, Ryan’s story was not one that happened over a short period of time. The bullying behavior Ryan experienced was an accumulation of pressure, emotions, and harassment that he lived for many years. Once social networking and the ability to communicate via the Web became mainstream, the bullying via internet for Ryan, not only increased, but now it was viewed by anyone and everyone. The viewing audience became larger. The group dynamics in this situation became a true player in the outcome of this story.

Megan Meir

Probably the most well known cyberbullying case that we have experienced. This particular situation brought to light how powerful emotions become in the cyberworld. The dynamics to this situation, although a bit different than the previous, still can fall back on the power relationships have on the emotions of young kids during adolescence. Whether or not the boyfriend that cut it off with Megan was real or not, in Megan’s mind the relationship was real. The lost of that relationship is what became the catalyst for Megan to end her life at too young of an age.

Learning from these stories: What do we do?

It is not about building up the strengths and character of the individual, it is about getting the individual connected to a peer group, so that the physical need to belong is fulfilled. Relationships in the cyberworld are a real player in the adolescent development of our kids. The question I am asking to audiences now is “has the virtual world and the real world collided and become one?” If so, then we treat cyberbullying just like we treat schoolyard bullying. Stop waiting for a software to block the behavior. Focus on building a community of kids who take care of one another! We cannot build programs that simply give a kid strategies as an individual to deal with the bullying. We have to focus on the group and building a group of kids whose purpose is for kids to take care of kids. This group needs an identity on and off campus, and there must be a process in place to get all kids connected to the group. In the situation of Phoebe Prince, the school administration could have simply got her hooked into the group, and because the group is based on Kids Taking Care of Kids, the group would have got her through her transition. Take a look at www.plusprogram.org . This program has discovered how to get kids to take care of one another. PLUS focusses on the importance of membership and belonging, it sets a purpose of kids taking care of kids, includes a rite of passage into the identity to further the commitment to the purpose, and keeps the kids engaged in communication activities so that when the next Phoebe Prince, Ryan Halligan or Megan Mier go through these tough times, they have a group they feel a connection to that they can go to for help.

In developing school based approaches to create safe schools and positive school climates the single most important factor that youth leadership programs neglect to focus in on is the importance of developing a sense of belonging to a group identity for young people.  We know that  “After transition to middle school, peers become primary sources of support and motivation to achieve while the quality of teacher-student relationships tends to decline with time” (Wentzel, 1996).  As we set a calendar each year to tackle the critical issues in youth development with great activities, assemblies, and orientations, we must first address the importance of a student body feeling included or connected to the youth leaders facilitating the activities. A major finding of 90,000 students grade 7-11 is that when students feel connected (i.e., feel close to people at school, happy to be at school, part of the school, treated fairly, feel safe) to their school that this “connectedness” is protective against every health risk behavior—alcohol use, suicidal attempts, teen pregnancy, and acts of violence towards others.  It is this “connectedness” that we must establish as a foundation of our youth leadership program. 

A youth leadership model that takes on this approach is the PLUS Program (Peer Leaders Uniting Students) model. PLUS was founded out of this necessary fundamental need to feel a sense of belonging to a group identity.  This need for a sense of belonging to a group, becomes the catalyst to engage youth in meaningful participation facilitated by the group in which they feel this sense of belonging to. The PLUS model seeks to protect, connect and educate kids in an effort to create a culture on campuses and in communities where inclusion is a reality for young people.  Steps to implementation include.

Step 1: Identify and train a team of Youth Leaders to become a branch of youth leadership on a campus known as the PLUS team.  This could be a team as small as four and as large as you want it. These leaders are handpicked by an advisor and should represent an array of the student body and have a natural leadership quality of influence over other students in their peer group.  Embedded in the PLUS identity is a mission of Kids Taking Care of Kids.

Step2: The PLUS team will facilitate an ongoing activity throughout a school year called a PLUS Forum. What separates PLUS from other youth leadership models is the investment into the PLUS Forum process. This process is facilitated peer to peer and incorporates a sequential set of activities, which gather data and serve as a rite of passage into the group identity (PLUS).  This forum process is the catalyst to create ownership and commitment in the actions of the group, purpose in the message, and the meaningful participation individuals experience on an ongoing basis.  The PLUS Forum enables schools with the ability on a regular basis to assess the emotional climate and social norms of their campus through student surveys and discussions they administer during the forums.  These forums empower students with a voice to be active members in discussions that identify critical issues on campus and the overall development of a safe school environment. 

Step 3: What makes the PLUS program an effective approach to youth development is the commitment to sustaining the actions, identity and purpose of PLUS with a calendar of events.  The concept of connecting individuals to a group identity, to establish a sense of belonging will only last as long as that individual engages in actions under the identity.  As soon as an individual no longer feels a connection to the identity, we have lost the purpose PLUS.  All assemblies and activities that focus on critical issues like bullying, youth violence, and building school climate are organized under the context of the PLUS identity and the mission of Kids Taking Care of Kids.

A positive school climate is a result of youth leadership programs making campuses personal and not impersonal. When developing the PLUS model the question was asked, “What would happen with racism, gangs, bullying, fear and violence, if we all felt a sense of belonging and identity to the same team?” When an individual feels a healthy sense of belonging in their environment, it positively impacts their motivation, success, health and happiness.              

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/11/11/o.too.much.communication/index.html#cnnSTCText

Research shows that individuals who are being cyberbullied, are so by someone they know and consider a “Friend”. Are they really a friend though? Because of technology advancements like social networking sites and smart phones kids can access kids 24/7 and data is coming back that shows this next generation is reporting to be more social than any generation before.  Are they more social or are they just online more?   They are building real relations around the clock with virtual people they have never met in person and they consider them to be “friends”. The article references the MySpace case two years ago where the young girl took her own life over a break up with a Virtual Boyfriend, who she never met in real life. Whether or not they never met, her emotions were as though they did. Social Networking sites have blurred the need for real Relations and building emotional trust between real friends. Do you think this next generation will define friendship much different than previous generations?  How might parents, schools, and community respond to the emerging trend of virtual friendships?

If we want to know what is going on in the cyberworld with our kids,

we need to get into the cyberworld!

A new frontier has developed and for many parents it is foreign to us.  This new frontier is the Cyberworld.  This world offers our kids some pretty amazing things that can help foster their growth as an individual and provide information that accelerates their educational learning opportunities.  Developed as an educator’s tool for sharing, the internet and cyberworld has quickly taken on a dark side.  To understand the risk factors associated with this dark side, parents must get into the cyberworld immediately. 

For some parents, navigating in the cyberworld is an everyday occurrence and something that comes naturally.  For a much larger population, the cyberworld can be intimidating and an environment parents hesitate to frequent.  Bottom line though, is that our kids are there, so we must be there too. 

The following will help parents get into the cyberworld with their kids. By no means are these tips universal and work for every situation.  We need to understand that the dark side of the internet and the actions in the cyberworld is a human behavior, and working with a human behavior, nothing is universal.  Each family is different and each family needs to take the time to discover what works for your situation and your family.

1.                  Centralize the computer –Put the online accessibility of the computer in a room that is frequented by parents constantly.  Make the computer screen be viewable.

2.                  Consistent Communication – Probably the most important strategy we can resource to as parents is simply establishing consistent communication with our kids who are going online.  Establish proactive communication with your kids that focuses on their online etiquette and behavior.  This channel of consistent communication will not only develop trust, but will also serve as a lifeline for our kids when they experience a threatening situation in the cyberworld. 

3.                  Online Experience and Knowledge – Parents must become tech savvy and experienced with online applications.  It is critical that parents spend time navigating through the internet on their own and learning the capabilities of the computer.  Sign up for classes which keep up with the currents trends and changing technology.  The more knowledge a parent can develop about the internet and risk factors associated with it, the better equipped parents will be to secure the safety of children while online.

4.                  Blogging, Chatrooms and Social Networking Sites – Along the same lines as Online Experience and Knowledge discussed in #3, parents need to develop an understanding of how Blogging, Chatrooms, and Social Networking sites operate.  Create a user identity and spend time in chatrooms which your kids might frequent.  What are the discussions like?  Are they appropriate? When MySpace and other social networking sites are used with responsibility, they are a tremendous tool for kids to connect with one another and stay in contact.  Unfortunately it is when these social networking sites are abused do they turn into a risk factor for our kids.  Spend some time in the social networking sites and discover the safety features each one has to offer.

5.                  Be There: Establish an Emergency Communication System – Assure rapid communication with your child while they are online.  Parents can not spend every minute of the day next to their child while online.  Software is available to help your kids report and document these situations.  CyberBully Alert allows parents to be notified by their child and parents will have a saved screen shot to use for documentation.

Children learn from a young age how effective violence and intimidation can be from various media and entertainment outlets. Quirky cartoons portray a loveable character and his or her daily battles with a particular bully. Popular sitcoms and movies depict high school students who sing and dance to popular tunes, but also have to face intimidating bullies in and out of class. Although these characters overcome their plights, there is still a clear message that bullying is an effective way to upset another person and bring down their self-esteem.

Children and teenagers are becoming more technologically savvy and are looking to the Internet and their cell phones for entertainment, and to social networks to meet new people who share the same interests as them. It was only a matter of time before bullying made its way to the Internet, especially through modes like MySpace and Facebook. Cyber bullies have been making news lately with the recent deaths of children across the nation who have perished because of online bullying campaigns. Megan Meier is one of the more noted of these cases.

Some examples of cyber bullying include sending threatening emails, text messages or comments to another person; tricking someone into revealing private or embarrassing information and sending it to others; breaking into someone’s email or social media account and sending false messages to others while posing as this person; and creating web pages to make fun of another person.

Even though the bullying doesn’t take place on a one-on-one basis, MySpace cyber bullying and other forms of cyber bullying still show the same effects. Rather than just being bullied while in the classroom or play ground, children can be the target of cyber bullying 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Some of the more general effects of cyber bullying include poor performance at school, depression and low self-esteem. Because cyber bullying can take place outside of the classroom and at a more frequent rate, the child may experience more extreme cases of these effects. Consider these factors if you suspect that your child is being bullied online:

• You child may feel like there is no escape from cyber bullying. It seems easy enough to close these social media accounts and simply turn off of the computer. However, for some kids avoiding these websites or instant messages may seclude them from one of the most important places they socialize.
• Your child may be at home when they experience cyber bullying, which can lead to a sense of endangerment within the confines of their own room or house.
• Cyber bullies are more likely to say harsher words online or by text message because they don’t have to say it to the other person’s face or see their reaction.
• Your child may feel like they can’t be secure within their own surrounding because some cyber bullies never reveal their identity. The anonymity of cyber bullying can add to their feeling of being unsafe.

A recent survey conducted by i-SAFE America concluded that 58 percent of children who have experienced cyber bullying never told an adult or their parent. There are a few preventative measures that you and your child can take to avert any negative experiences while your child uses the Internet:

• Never give out private information about the child, passwords, school, family or friends. This information is an easy target for an anonymous cyber bully.
• Never exchange pictures with people you meet on the Internet.
• Delete any messages from people you don’t know.
• Because millions of people have access to what is written online, be careful what you say and what type of information you send out.
• Consider setting your child’s social media account to private so people that they don’t know can’t see their pictures or any of the information posted to the site.

Bullying has been around for many generations and some people would say that it is just a part of growing up. If your child experiences physical threats, report it to the owners of the websites or local officials and keep a log of the bullying. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” However in today’s technologically advanced age, the death of a child is never worth it.