Recent incidents of Cyberbullying and Bullying have once again thrusted these behaviors into national media. Seems as though every news media station these past few months have been highlighting these sad but powerful stories of cyberbullying. From NBC’s Today show, to CNN’s Anderson Coopers’ 360, everyone is asking the same question: What do we do about this trend?

The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that this is not a trend. Unfortunately cyber bullying like bullying will be here to stay. So what do we do? We need to listen to the stories and find the commonalities that are shared between the kids who were the targets of the harassment.

Pheobe Prince

In this situation we discovered a young lady in transition. Transitioning from not just one school to the next, but even more challenging, transitioning from one country to another. As we have all at some point transitioned in our life, the importance of friends and friendship is critical in the transition. As we leave the comfort and safety of our true friends, we strive to find that same comfort and safety with new friends. In this transition I can only imaging the emotional pressure Phoebe was feeling during this transition and making new friends.

Ryan Halligan

One of the first cases of cyber bullying to reach national news. Once again we find a young man in search of positive peer connections. Unfortunately, Ryan’s story was not one that happened over a short period of time. The bullying behavior Ryan experienced was an accumulation of pressure, emotions, and harassment that he lived for many years. Once social networking and the ability to communicate via the Web became mainstream, the bullying via internet for Ryan, not only increased, but now it was viewed by anyone and everyone. The viewing audience became larger. The group dynamics in this situation became a true player in the outcome of this story.

Megan Meir

Probably the most well known cyberbullying case that we have experienced. This particular situation brought to light how powerful emotions become in the cyberworld. The dynamics to this situation, although a bit different than the previous, still can fall back on the power relationships have on the emotions of young kids during adolescence. Whether or not the boyfriend that cut it off with Megan was real or not, in Megan’s mind the relationship was real. The lost of that relationship is what became the catalyst for Megan to end her life at too young of an age.

Learning from these stories: What do we do?

It is not about building up the strengths and character of the individual, it is about getting the individual connected to a peer group, so that the physical need to belong is fulfilled. Relationships in the cyberworld are a real player in the adolescent development of our kids. The question I am asking to audiences now is “has the virtual world and the real world collided and become one?” If so, then we treat cyberbullying just like we treat schoolyard bullying. Stop waiting for a software to block the behavior. Focus on building a community of kids who take care of one another! We cannot build programs that simply give a kid strategies as an individual to deal with the bullying. We have to focus on the group and building a group of kids whose purpose is for kids to take care of kids. This group needs an identity on and off campus, and there must be a process in place to get all kids connected to the group. In the situation of Phoebe Prince, the school administration could have simply got her hooked into the group, and because the group is based on Kids Taking Care of Kids, the group would have got her through her transition. Take a look at www.plusprogram.org . This program has discovered how to get kids to take care of one another. PLUS focusses on the importance of membership and belonging, it sets a purpose of kids taking care of kids, includes a rite of passage into the identity to further the commitment to the purpose, and keeps the kids engaged in communication activities so that when the next Phoebe Prince, Ryan Halligan or Megan Mier go through these tough times, they have a group they feel a connection to that they can go to for help.

The Good

Recent studies have shown that if parents limit the type of video games (non-violent) and amount of playing time (30 minutes max per day), children are less likely to display aggressive behaviors.

The Bad

According to the recent Brain Health report by Dr. Amen, a leader in brain SPECT Imaging (SPECT is an acronym for Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography) that measures blood flow and activity patterns in the brain, video games work in the same area of the brain as cocaine and methamphetamine. Video games increase the amount of dopamine released in the brain and for those of you who don’t know, dopamine is the chemical messenger for pleasure and plays a major role in addiction. Now, is there any wonder why kids love video games? The amount of dopamine released while playing video games is so substantial that it depletes the brains reserves leaving little if any dopamine to be released during everyday activities and relationships that would normally make them feel happy. Subsequently they are left feeling nothing at all.

The Ugly

Researchers at the Indiana University School of Medicine say that brain scans of kids who played a violent video game showed an increase in emotional arousal and a corresponding decrease of activity in brain areas involved in self-control, inhibition, and attention. Another study found that playing violent video games is related to having more aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

If we want to know what is going on in the cyberworld with our kids,

we need to get into the cyberworld!

A new frontier has developed and for many parents it is foreign to us.  This new frontier is the Cyberworld.  This world offers our kids some pretty amazing things that can help foster their growth as an individual and provide information that accelerates their educational learning opportunities.  Developed as an educator’s tool for sharing, the internet and cyberworld has quickly taken on a dark side.  To understand the risk factors associated with this dark side, parents must get into the cyberworld immediately. 

For some parents, navigating in the cyberworld is an everyday occurrence and something that comes naturally.  For a much larger population, the cyberworld can be intimidating and an environment parents hesitate to frequent.  Bottom line though, is that our kids are there, so we must be there too. 

The following will help parents get into the cyberworld with their kids. By no means are these tips universal and work for every situation.  We need to understand that the dark side of the internet and the actions in the cyberworld is a human behavior, and working with a human behavior, nothing is universal.  Each family is different and each family needs to take the time to discover what works for your situation and your family.

1.                  Centralize the computer –Put the online accessibility of the computer in a room that is frequented by parents constantly.  Make the computer screen be viewable.

2.                  Consistent Communication – Probably the most important strategy we can resource to as parents is simply establishing consistent communication with our kids who are going online.  Establish proactive communication with your kids that focuses on their online etiquette and behavior.  This channel of consistent communication will not only develop trust, but will also serve as a lifeline for our kids when they experience a threatening situation in the cyberworld. 

3.                  Online Experience and Knowledge – Parents must become tech savvy and experienced with online applications.  It is critical that parents spend time navigating through the internet on their own and learning the capabilities of the computer.  Sign up for classes which keep up with the currents trends and changing technology.  The more knowledge a parent can develop about the internet and risk factors associated with it, the better equipped parents will be to secure the safety of children while online.

4.                  Blogging, Chatrooms and Social Networking Sites – Along the same lines as Online Experience and Knowledge discussed in #3, parents need to develop an understanding of how Blogging, Chatrooms, and Social Networking sites operate.  Create a user identity and spend time in chatrooms which your kids might frequent.  What are the discussions like?  Are they appropriate? When MySpace and other social networking sites are used with responsibility, they are a tremendous tool for kids to connect with one another and stay in contact.  Unfortunately it is when these social networking sites are abused do they turn into a risk factor for our kids.  Spend some time in the social networking sites and discover the safety features each one has to offer.

5.                  Be There: Establish an Emergency Communication System – Assure rapid communication with your child while they are online.  Parents can not spend every minute of the day next to their child while online.  Software is available to help your kids report and document these situations.  CyberBully Alert allows parents to be notified by their child and parents will have a saved screen shot to use for documentation.