Recent incidents of Cyberbullying and Bullying have once again thrusted these behaviors into national media. Seems as though every news media station these past few months have been highlighting these sad but powerful stories of cyberbullying. From NBC’s Today show, to CNN’s Anderson Coopers’ 360, everyone is asking the same question: What do we do about this trend?

The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that this is not a trend. Unfortunately cyber bullying like bullying will be here to stay. So what do we do? We need to listen to the stories and find the commonalities that are shared between the kids who were the targets of the harassment.

Pheobe Prince

In this situation we discovered a young lady in transition. Transitioning from not just one school to the next, but even more challenging, transitioning from one country to another. As we have all at some point transitioned in our life, the importance of friends and friendship is critical in the transition. As we leave the comfort and safety of our true friends, we strive to find that same comfort and safety with new friends. In this transition I can only imaging the emotional pressure Phoebe was feeling during this transition and making new friends.

Ryan Halligan

One of the first cases of cyber bullying to reach national news. Once again we find a young man in search of positive peer connections. Unfortunately, Ryan’s story was not one that happened over a short period of time. The bullying behavior Ryan experienced was an accumulation of pressure, emotions, and harassment that he lived for many years. Once social networking and the ability to communicate via the Web became mainstream, the bullying via internet for Ryan, not only increased, but now it was viewed by anyone and everyone. The viewing audience became larger. The group dynamics in this situation became a true player in the outcome of this story.

Megan Meir

Probably the most well known cyberbullying case that we have experienced. This particular situation brought to light how powerful emotions become in the cyberworld. The dynamics to this situation, although a bit different than the previous, still can fall back on the power relationships have on the emotions of young kids during adolescence. Whether or not the boyfriend that cut it off with Megan was real or not, in Megan’s mind the relationship was real. The lost of that relationship is what became the catalyst for Megan to end her life at too young of an age.

Learning from these stories: What do we do?

It is not about building up the strengths and character of the individual, it is about getting the individual connected to a peer group, so that the physical need to belong is fulfilled. Relationships in the cyberworld are a real player in the adolescent development of our kids. The question I am asking to audiences now is “has the virtual world and the real world collided and become one?” If so, then we treat cyberbullying just like we treat schoolyard bullying. Stop waiting for a software to block the behavior. Focus on building a community of kids who take care of one another! We cannot build programs that simply give a kid strategies as an individual to deal with the bullying. We have to focus on the group and building a group of kids whose purpose is for kids to take care of kids. This group needs an identity on and off campus, and there must be a process in place to get all kids connected to the group. In the situation of Phoebe Prince, the school administration could have simply got her hooked into the group, and because the group is based on Kids Taking Care of Kids, the group would have got her through her transition. Take a look at www.plusprogram.org . This program has discovered how to get kids to take care of one another. PLUS focusses on the importance of membership and belonging, it sets a purpose of kids taking care of kids, includes a rite of passage into the identity to further the commitment to the purpose, and keeps the kids engaged in communication activities so that when the next Phoebe Prince, Ryan Halligan or Megan Mier go through these tough times, they have a group they feel a connection to that they can go to for help.

If we want to know what is going on in the cyberworld with our kids,

we need to get into the cyberworld!

A new frontier has developed and for many parents it is foreign to us.  This new frontier is the Cyberworld.  This world offers our kids some pretty amazing things that can help foster their growth as an individual and provide information that accelerates their educational learning opportunities.  Developed as an educator’s tool for sharing, the internet and cyberworld has quickly taken on a dark side.  To understand the risk factors associated with this dark side, parents must get into the cyberworld immediately. 

For some parents, navigating in the cyberworld is an everyday occurrence and something that comes naturally.  For a much larger population, the cyberworld can be intimidating and an environment parents hesitate to frequent.  Bottom line though, is that our kids are there, so we must be there too. 

The following will help parents get into the cyberworld with their kids. By no means are these tips universal and work for every situation.  We need to understand that the dark side of the internet and the actions in the cyberworld is a human behavior, and working with a human behavior, nothing is universal.  Each family is different and each family needs to take the time to discover what works for your situation and your family.

1.                  Centralize the computer –Put the online accessibility of the computer in a room that is frequented by parents constantly.  Make the computer screen be viewable.

2.                  Consistent Communication – Probably the most important strategy we can resource to as parents is simply establishing consistent communication with our kids who are going online.  Establish proactive communication with your kids that focuses on their online etiquette and behavior.  This channel of consistent communication will not only develop trust, but will also serve as a lifeline for our kids when they experience a threatening situation in the cyberworld. 

3.                  Online Experience and Knowledge – Parents must become tech savvy and experienced with online applications.  It is critical that parents spend time navigating through the internet on their own and learning the capabilities of the computer.  Sign up for classes which keep up with the currents trends and changing technology.  The more knowledge a parent can develop about the internet and risk factors associated with it, the better equipped parents will be to secure the safety of children while online.

4.                  Blogging, Chatrooms and Social Networking Sites – Along the same lines as Online Experience and Knowledge discussed in #3, parents need to develop an understanding of how Blogging, Chatrooms, and Social Networking sites operate.  Create a user identity and spend time in chatrooms which your kids might frequent.  What are the discussions like?  Are they appropriate? When MySpace and other social networking sites are used with responsibility, they are a tremendous tool for kids to connect with one another and stay in contact.  Unfortunately it is when these social networking sites are abused do they turn into a risk factor for our kids.  Spend some time in the social networking sites and discover the safety features each one has to offer.

5.                  Be There: Establish an Emergency Communication System – Assure rapid communication with your child while they are online.  Parents can not spend every minute of the day next to their child while online.  Software is available to help your kids report and document these situations.  CyberBully Alert allows parents to be notified by their child and parents will have a saved screen shot to use for documentation.

In Broward County, Florida on Wednesday, November 26, 2008 a 19-year-old male took his own life. While this tragic event unfortunately occurs time and again, the particular circumstances surrounding this suicide are worsened by the man broadcasting his death on the internet and the internet bullying that ensued.

The man, identified as Abraham K. Biggs, announced his intention to kill himself in an online forum. One report indicated, he went on a www.bodybuilding.com forum, where he was reportedly a member under the pseudonym “CandyJunkie,” and he posted the amount of drugs he was going to take in order to overdose with a link to a live video. Biggs also posted a suicide note online.

Posting a suicide note and detailing how he was going to kill himself was not the end of this calamity. In addition to the online forum postings, Biggs had streamed a live video of himself during and after his suicide. The broadcast showed his consumption of several pills. Then, as hundreds of web surfers watched the live feed, Biggs took his last breath and lay lifeless on his bed. Several hours passed before website viewers and those that participated in the online bullying became alarmed. The live video had been streaming for hours while Biggs’ motionless, lifeless body lay on his bed. Finally, someone called the police. According to one report the website’s moderator informed the authorities of the video. Other reports say viewers of the broadcast eventually called police. With the live video still streaming, police broke down the door, found the lifeless body, and turned off the webcam. It had been 12 hours since Biggs began blogging about his intended suicide. According to one report, at the time the police entered Biggs’ bedroom about 1,500 people were viewing the video.

The website Biggs chose for his final moments was Justin.tv. Michael Seibel, CEO of Justin.tv said “We regret that this has occurred and respect the privacy of the broadcaster and his family during this time.” Seibel continued, “We have policies in place to discourage the distribution of distressing content and our community monitors the site accordingly. This content was flagged by our community, reviewed and removed according to our terms of service.” Since the incident, the disturbing video feed has been taken down; however, clips of the unfortunate event still remain. Internet surfers have posted clips of the video and copies of Biggs’ suicide note all over the internet.

A very disturbing circumstance of the young man’s death is that in response to Biggs’ forum posts and the broadcast of his live video, viewers and members of the online forum taunted Biggs, bullying him over the internet and encouraging him to commit suicide. “You want to kill yourself?” “Do it, do the world a favor and stop wasting our time with your mindless self-pity.” Several individuals continued the internet harassment of Biggs all throughout his video as well as bullying him on the internet after his death, believing it was all a practical joke. After learning of the live broadcast of his son’s suicide, Biggs’ father, Abraham Biggs, Sr., said he was upset that Justin.tv streamed the video. Biggs Sr. stated, “There seems to be a lack of control as to what people put out on the Internet . . . There’s a lot of garbage out there that should not be, and unfortunately this was allowed to happen.” Because the troubled young man had supposedly threatened to commit suicide many times before, the webcast’s viewers and internet bullies believed Biggs was not serious about his intentions. They taunted him, insulted him, and continuously bullied him. The online bullying and internet harassment lasted for hours. Was it this internet bullying that finally made him commit the fatal act?

Unfortunately, advancements in technology have resulted in an epidemic of worldwide bullying on the internet. For example, in 2007, a British man hanged himself live on a webcam with hundreds viewing the broadcast in a chatroom. Supposedly, the depressed man ventured into a chatroom pondering suicide and online bullying ensued. The internet harassment consisted of chatroom members reportedly telling the man, among other things, to “F**king do it. Get on with it.” Since 2001, according to a charity that works to prevent suicide, there have been at least 17 deaths in Britain involving websites and online bullying. Internet harassment is an ongoing, growing problem. For the safety of troubled persons and for online child safety, something should be done to monitor disturbing internet bullying sites.

Few things upset a parent more than hearing that their child has been the victim bullying. And while schoolyard bullying is a historic problem (and continues to be so) modern technology has increased the bullying problem by creating a new breed of the problem - the cyber bully.

Cyber bullying and physical bullying may differ in many ways, but the pain that they both cause is remarkably similar. The children who are able to overcome bullying are not necessarily the strongest kids on the block, but rather the ones with the parents who are best educated on the subject.

The following are vital, expert tips on how to help your child avoid getting bullied – and enrich their self-esteem in the process. These tips are not meant to solve the bullying problem, but instead give your child some education on how to handle these difficult situations.

Tips for protecting your kids from schoolyard bullies

Tip #1: Teach your child to use their words instead of their fists

Back in the old days, parents (especially fathers) used to tell their kids to fight back when threatened by a bully. We now know that strategy is not the most productive course of action. By using their words in the face of the predator, the child is refusing to reinforce the bullying behavior and therefore opening up a crack in the bully’s armor. This action will gain support from their peers, which will in turn weaken the bully’s resolve. For example, teach your child to say “I’m not afraid of you” when confronted by a bully. This will build their self-confidence as it erodes the confidence of the bully.

Tip #2: Role play with your kids

One of the most effective ways to teach your kids how to handle a bully is to role play a variety of different situations with them at home. Show them how to respond when someone is picking on them. Give them “lines” to read that will protect them and build their self-esteem at the same time. For example, when a bully says “I’m going to punch you if you don’t give me your lunch money” have your child rehearse responses such as “that’s not going to do you any good, it will just get you in big trouble eventually.” Educate them on whom to contact if they are bullied, for instance the school principal, teacher, or any other school staff. This will empower them and boost their self esteem when dealing with these issues.

Tips for protecting your kids from cyber bullying

Tip #1: Explain to them about the dangers of the Internet

Kids can be very trusting, especially when they are online. Sit down and explain to them the potential dangers of the Internet. Explain how, some people are not who they claim to be online, and just like in the real world, they should never agree to meet with a stranger or offer any information about themselves when online. Educating your child is crucial in preventing your child from cyber bullies, online predators, or any other person looking to harm your child.

Tip #2: Monitor their Internet time

Many parents have created “Internet Family Time” as a way to monitor their child’s Internet use while still giving them the freedom to use the computer for school work and communicating with their friends. Place the computer in a central location, for example the living room; this will allow you to regulate any websites they are browsing. Make this time fun, educative, and get the whole family involved. There is no reason that the parents can’t get involved in a good game of Chess or a crossword puzzle online. Refer to your helpful tips on how to monitor your child’s internet use for more information.

Tip #3: Block access to suspect web sites

One of the best ways to avoid cyber bullying is to help your child avoid the situation in the first place. By using some of the best-selling software programs available on the market, parents can block access to the most potentially dangerous sites on the web. You can easily “blacklist” all websites and instant messenger (IM) clients so that your child has no access. We recommend blocking popular social networking sites like Myspace.com and Friendster.com because they are most popular locations for cyber bullies. You should disallow access to any online chat rooms, forums, and other online social communities. In addition, you can give your child limited user rights when using the computer, this means disabling unnecessary applications, for example Yahoo Messenger, AIM, or Gtalk. This limited access also prevents installation of any new applications without your consent.